


and still

by nork



Series: Moments [5]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Other, just a venty thing i changed up a lil, not shippy or anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-06 02:27:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11026674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nork/pseuds/nork
Summary: jade takes some time to think.





	and still

You sit. Your legs are crossed, and honestly, it’s just so much easier to sit like this with trousers on. You wonder why you didn’t wear them so much when you were younger; it’s just plain more comfortable and practical.

The wind whips around, cold and biting. Your hair flies about you, black strands clinging to your face and glasses as the rain starts to get heavier.

However, you, the Witch of Space and goddess of this world, do not give two fucking shits. In fact, you welcome it. It’s the closest to human you’ve felt in a while.

 _Depression really takes it out of you, doesn’t it?_ You think, and give a small, wry chuckle. The wind steals your laughter and rips it apart, the noise dissipating among the storm. You wonder if John’s fucking something up, somewhere, for the weather to be this bad.

Maybe he’s in as much of a dilemma as you are. And your dilemma sucks.

Rose and Kanaya’s wedding was a year ago today. And everyone is happy. You live with Dave and Karkat, and you’ve been great. Happy, anyway. At least you think you’re happy? You kinda never actually had a hold on your emotions. What a fun Jade quirk, right?

Not really.

You’ve been staring. Nowhere in particular, just staring. Not getting up, not moving, not paying attention, nothing. And Dave took you aside after a while and told you to see a doctor. He’s a quiet guy- he told you about Bro one day, but you suspect he held back some details and you don’t blame him. The specifics were horrifying enough, and you don’t like hearing about your friends hurt. And he was really fucking hurt.

Anyway. Dave gave enough of a shit to tell you to see a doctor. The next day. He took you to one of the carapaces, and they told you that you had depression. Imbalance of neurochemicals or some shit like that. You don’t care to remember. He gave you some meds, and Dave reminds you to take them.

You honestly don’t know what you’d do without him- if you had never met the jokey kid in the sunglasses, you’d have never played Sburb and met everyone and died with everyone. You’d certainly not be sitting here, on the top of a building in a storm.

 

You sit. For hours. You’re not sure- you’re no time player, and nobody has come to find you. You are content to stare into the storm with your hair flying about you like a black halo.

The rain slowly gets heavier. Your glasses are so covered with water that you might as well not be wearing them; everything is so fucking blurry. Your hair flies around still, but it’s heavy with water.

A flashing figure appears, the light they are emitting sends flashes across your water-streaked glasses and it startles you out of your stare. You watch the light get closer before it sits next to you.

One of their winds outstretches above you, and your hair falls a little. You can hear tiny slaps where the waterlogged clumps whack the orange-and-green feathers. You turn your head to them, and they smile.

“Hey Jade,” they say, grinning. Their eyes are behind flashing sunglasses but there’s a tone in their voice which hints at confusion.

“Hey DP,” you reply. Davepeta’s name is a bit of a mouthful- they’d come up with this one by themself. It was a nice nickname.

“So, why’re you sitting out here, all alone, in the middle of the biggest storm of the year?”

“Dave and Karkat getting it on in the next room isn’t a pleasant thing to hear when you’re trying to think.”

“Fair enough.” They shrug, and you can see their blurry head turn away. “You’ve been out here for quite a while, haven’t you?”

You just nod.

You’re cold to the bones, you realise. The tips of your fingers are so red that they are clearly visible, even though the blur makes everything else into shapes and flashes.

You reach up and pull off your glasses, exposing your eyes to the relentless rain. DP shuffles closer to you, and you start to soak up some of their vital warmth. Their wing encloses you, pulling you even closer to them.

“What have you been thinking about then, Jade?”

You try to collect your thoughts. “Am I good enough?”

DP stays silent for a second. “For what?”

You can feel their heart beating, strong and powerful. It’s a human-troll heart, and the rhythm is just off enough to be different from yours. “Anything. Everyone else seems to pair off and have people they hold close and tight to them and I’m just here. Alone. And nobody seems to cling too close to me. Am I good enough for someone to cling to me?”

You wonder if you sounded pitiful as DP remains silent. They stay silent for ages, it seems.

“Of course, you are, Jade.” Their voice is so quiet that you strain to hear them over the high-pitched whine of the wind whistling around you both. They hang their head closer to yours, and bring their other wing around to protect themself- and you by extension- from the rain.  “You’re kind. You’re forgiving. You love and have loved. You are worth clinging to and staying with.”

“How do you know? We barely talk.”

DP chuckles. “I have all of Dave’s memories. He holds you close.”

“He has others more important.”

They cock their head. “That may be true.”

You sink lower into yourself. “Don’t tell me I need to wait for someone to come around to cherish me and love me and hold me close.”

DP opens their little mouth, and shuts it again without saying anything.

“I’ve heard it a lot. I don’t want to be lonely anymore, Davepeta. I’m so fucking sad and lonely and nobody holds me close and everyone loves someone more than they love me. I’m always gonna be number two, if even that. It fucking hurts, and I’m hurting so much, DP, and I want it to stop.” You hiccough, and shut your eyes and frown. You will not show any more weakness, you think. You refuse to cry.

The wind is slowing now, and the once-heavy sheets of rain have changed to softer drops. Their arm snakes around you and they hold you close.

“You’re my number one,” they whisper, they head very close to yours. You wonder if it’s some mixture of Heart powers and future Times that they can say that with such conviction, but you don’t care.

It’s a comforting statement, and you just let out a shuddering breath.

You’re just tired now. You vented everything, you collected your thoughts, you’re cold and wet and feeling bad and you just lean on their flashing, warm body and let your eyes close.

And still, you sit.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry lol


End file.
